I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
