Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How's work?
Spinning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
