I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
