I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
