are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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