Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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