the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
