Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
