she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
