So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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