her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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