You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
