How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
