No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
