Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
