so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
