my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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