I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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