Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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