hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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