Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
a search helicopter?!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
