remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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