Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
