Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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