life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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