You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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