The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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