A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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