I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We're too hungover to prance.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
