thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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