I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize