those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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