I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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