Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
