and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
