Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize