you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
