brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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