She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I touched a dick in church today
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
