Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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