guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
