I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
