I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
