K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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