my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
