Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
