I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
