I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
