My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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