Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
