well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
