4 words: hood of his car
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
