I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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