i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
