there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
