I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
