Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
