cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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