Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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