just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this just has baby written all over it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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