Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
