just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
