dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
