your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont even know how to be here
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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