So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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