in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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