so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
