I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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