Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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