THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
