we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
