Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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