I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
