glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
