My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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