Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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