maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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