I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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