first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
