I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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