She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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