my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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