trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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