some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
