i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
