She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
