just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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