So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
