I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
