How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
from now on my penis is your penis
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
