my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
