My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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